all_choseny

QOTD

2020-10-19T20:46:03Z

Which aspect of your life is going really well right now and which aspect could you use some help with?

My marriage and my health is going really well. The hubby and I have finally hit our stride when it comes to effectively communicating with each other. And we are both getting our health and fitness together. The area of my life that could use some improvement is my job. Today, I thought about quitting about five times.

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30 Day Writing Challenge

2020-10-19T20:43:26Z

Day 15: Three Pet Peeves

1. People who pass the buck. This is something that I see a lot at work and it is the most annoying thing in the world to me because I work with high standards and anything less than that makes me question why some people still have their jobs.

2. I really hate it when people scrape their forks against their plates. My husband does this and it makes me want to hurt him.

3. I hate when people smack when they chew.

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QOTD

2020-10-18T13:04:04Z

What’s surprising about you?

When I was on social media, I came off very outgoing to people who followed/friended me, but when they meet me in real life they notice I am very quiet and shy. They would never have guessed this based on how I joke around on social media.

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QOTD

2020-10-17T12:19:35Z

What two things are you most passionate about?

I am very passionate about advocacy and social justice, which I believe these two go hand in hand. I know SJW's get a bad rep on social media, and to be honest, it's for good reason. I do not consider myself an SJW (but that's a story for a different time). As a social worker, advocacy is in our DNA. I will always fight for people to have a good quality of life and the ability to live with dignity. I am also a believer that in order to have equality, we must also have equity. And I will spend the rest of my life trying to achieve these things for the people in my immediate community as well as my global community.

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30 Day Writing Challenge

2020-10-17T12:12:27Z

Day 12: Your commute two and from work/school

Well, first I get up, go to the bathroom, and get washed up for the day. Then I go sit in the living room or dining room. That's my commute.

Seriously, due to COVID, our offices are closed down and we are working from home. However, because I am an essential worker, I still have to go out and do my check-ins and follow-ups. But when I am not out doing those, I can work from home.

And secret... sometimes I don't even get out of my bed.

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QOTD

2020-10-16T21:35:37Z

Who is the funniest actor or actress still doing movies or TV shows?

Betty White. I even named my old white Altima after her.

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30 Day Writing Challenge

2020-10-16T11:59:13Z

Day 12: Two words/phrases that make you laugh

These are two lines from television shows that I love to quote, and I find myself quoting both of these often for some reason.

-Ross, Friends

-Donna, Parks and Rec

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QOTD

2020-10-15T23:34:37Z

Do you feel like fall and spring are getting shorter?

Definitely! Climate change (Global warming) is real. It was almost 80 degrees today where I live in GA, and it's October. I remember when fall was jacket weather. I had on a thin blouse with short sleeves today. Wearing a sweatshirt is overdressed. Last year, winter felt like it came later in the season which gave way to a shorter spring. I miss the days when it actually snowed in winter.

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30 Day Writing Challenge

2020-10-15T23:31:03Z

Day 11: Your Current Relationship

I'm married. My husband and I eloped in October of 2016 and had our big ceremony in July 2017. He is my best friend and has been my biggest cheerleader. Our relationship is far from perfect, but he gets me. In previous relationships, I've always been secretive about my fandom participation and fanfic. He is a big geek like me, and he digs it. He even encourages me to write my own original work, but he understands the enjoyment I get from fanfic. I told him I want to start cosplaying, and I saw him google searching different characters he knows I like and making a list of how much each costume would cost. We spent all weekend during DC Fandome watching the different panels and sharing our thoughts about the DCEU. As Phoebe Buffet would say, "he's my lobster."

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QOTD

2020-10-14T12:15:03Z

What movie has everyone else seen but you haven’t?

So, in the Black community, there are certain movies that are like a rite of passage. I've seen most of these "black movies," including a few Blaxploitation movies. In the 90s that genre revived it'self in the form of what we call, "hood movies." The one hood movie that I've never seen, but everyone else has is "New Jack City." I have seen clips, bits, and pieces. But I've never sat down and watched the movie from start to finish. I pretend that I have, and that keeps everyone off my back lol.

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30 Day Writing Challenge

2020-10-14T12:09:46Z

Day 10: A fruit you dislike

I don't like Kiwis. It's a texture thing mostly. But I also don't think they taste very good. I used to feel that way about watermelon. At first, I told people it was a texture thing, which was partially true, but the real reason had to do with stereotypes. There is a stereotype about black people eating chicken and watermelon, and I didn't want to play into that image of a pickaninny. When I was 16, I moved down to Florida and we joined a predominately white Baptist Church. In fact, we were the only black people in the congregation. One day, the family that was assigned to welcome us to the church (Deacon Family) took me canoeing with them. During the trip, they brought snacks for everyone and handed me a watermelon soda, and said, "we thought you would like this kind." They then asked me if I liked chicken and started laughing. After that, I wouldn't touch Watermelons. I didn't start eating the fruit again until last year.

Honestly, I didn't expect to go this deep with such a simple question, but it's funny the things we remember.

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QOTD

2020-10-13T11:32:51Z

What is a fashion trend you are really glad went away?

JNCO jeans were the worst. I remember seeing these everywhere in high school when I moved down to FL. I remember in the 90s when bellbottoms came back in style, and I loved them! But these jeans were just ridiculous. I hope they never make a comeback lol.

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30 Day Writing Challenge

2020-10-13T10:56:32Z

Day: 9 Your feelings on ageism

Like any -ism it sucks. There's really not much to say other than discrimination--no matter what form it comes in--is a terrible part of our society.

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QOTD

2020-10-12T12:27:35Z

What takes up too much of your time?

Easy, fandom stuff! I think I spend a good portion of my free time working on fic, artwork, thinking thinky-thoughts about the shows and books I like. I operate in two settings all work or fandom stuff.

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30 Day Writing Challenge

2020-10-12T12:22:23Z

Day 8: A book you loved and one you didn't

There are so many books that I love that I can't pick just one. My favorite book is "Sweet Revenge" by Nora Roberts. I read that book so many times that the binding is falling apart. I love that book because it's not just a romance, it has international espionage, jewel thieving, exotic locations, and a great plot. It also reminds me of one of my favorite Carry Grant movies, "To Catch a Thief."

The book that I hate is "50 Shades of Gray." I suffered through four chapters of that book before I threw it across my bedroom. I only picked up the book because someone raved about how good it was, but I should have known better once I learned it started off as a Twilight fanfic (a series that I hate, but secretly enjoyed). Up until that point, I had never thrown a book before, but it was something about it that pulled that emotional response from me.

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QOTD

2020-10-11T12:15:01Z

What’s your favorite sounding word?

The word that sounds the best to me is caveat. I just love the way it sounds and it is one of my favorite words.

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30 Day Writing Challenge

2020-10-11T12:11:46Z

Day 7: What was your worst travel experience?

So, the actual question for the day asked about tattoos, and I don't have any. I found an interesting replacement question instead.

This is another funny childhood memory for me. My family was traveling from Florida to New York so we could spend a few weeks in the city with our family. We had moved away from NYC 2 years earlier and this would be our first time back. My dad--the cheapest man alive--thought it would save him money if we all took a greyhound roundtrip. In a car with minimal stops, the drive is about 18 hours. On a greyhound, it is a much longer trip. At one point the bathroom in the back of the bus broke down and the smell of human waste permeated throughout the bus. It woke me from my sleep in the middle of the night and several other people began to complain about it. My dad was half asleep and he started yelling, "Someone close the bathroom door!" And someone in the back answered, "it is closed!" The bus driver informed us the toilet was broken and on our next stop we would swap out buses. That same night I also noticed that a tractor-trailer was driving ahead of us and was swerving in and out of its lane. The bus driver attempted to drive ahead of it and we nearly got run off the road by the truck.

After that trip, I vowed never to take a greyhound bus for any trip longer than two hours lol.

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QOTD

2020-10-10T15:35:30Z

How comfortable are you speaking in front of large groups of people?

I am not very comfortable speaking in front of large groups of people at all. I have social anxiety and speaking in front of people causes me to have panic attacks. It's so bad that I have trouble speaking on online platforms like Zoom meetings. I tried doing toastmasters to help, but it made me nervous, and I would chicken out. I try to avoid speaking in large groups at all times.

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30 Day Writing Challenge

2020-10-10T15:28:37Z

Day 6: Someone who fascinates you and why?

So, up until a week ago, I couldn't say that I was fascinated by anyone. There are people I admire (The Obamas), but fascinate... not so much. That was until I watched the Chris Watts documentary on Netflix, American Murder: The Family Next Door. This was the real-life account of "family man" Chris Watts who annihilated his entire family back in August 2018. I recalled vaguely when this story hit national news, but I had little interest in following it for two reasons. One, the story was too gruesome for me, and two, I hated the fact that this man callously murdered his entire family and the media kept pushing this image of him of being a "good family man." Instead of the standard picture of a mugshot that should have been displayed, media coverage consistently showed pictures of this murderer smiling with the people he killed. When I pointed out the glaring difference of how white men are given so many concessions in our society, I called a racist. So, I completely tuned out of the conversation from that point on and didn't pay attention to it. Fast forward to October 2020, the documentary was trending on social media (according to the hubby), and we decided to watch it.

After watching the doc, I still had so many questions about this man. So, I found the book "My Daddy is A Hero," By Lena Deharly. While still following the Goldwater rule, and not armchair diagnosing Chris Watts, she examines his actions through a clinical perspective using the DSM-5 as a starting point. What truly fascinated Ms. Deharly and me is how Chis Watts was able to function in society, without setting off any red flags. Most people with Antisocial Personality Disorder typically display delinquency as a child or have oppositional behavior. Chris did not display any of these traits as an adolescent. To be clear, there is no diagnosis for psychopathy in the DSM-5. People who are labeled psychopaths or sociopaths are usually diagnosed with Antisocial Personality Disorder with comorbidities in other disorders such as narcissism.

According to Chris Watt's confession, he told the CBI that he "snapped." But I didn't believe it for a second. It was something about the interview he did with the local news that turned my stomach. The man stood in front of cameras and while talking about his missing family, you could see him smirking. Anyway, without going into everything that was uncovered during discovery, I became convinced that he was a psychopath or at least had psychopathic traits. But even after coming to this conclusion, he still doesn't hit all the marks for psychopathy. I believe he is a communal narcissist with psychopathic traits, but without someone treating him, we will never know. Currently, Chis Watts is in jail serving 4 life sentences and has claimed he is a "man of God" now, having converted to Christianity. But whenever he talks about what he did to his beautiful wife and children, it's always detached and unemotional. I wish someone could do a PET scan on his brain because I would really like to know how it functions.

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QOTD

2020-10-09T11:42:11Z

What’s the strangest phone conversation you’ve ever had?

I used to work in a call center back in the day as an escalation supervisor. Basically, when someone called in and asked to speak to a supervisor, they would get me. Anyway, there was a team of us, and every day we'd all get a call from someone only known as "foot guy." If "foot guy" called in and got a male supervisor, he would hang up. If he got one of the women, he would start asking us about our feet. One day, he called in and I got him. The conversation started off normally while he pretended to get his account information, but then he asked me, "So are you wearing pantyhose or do you let your feet go naked?" At first, I was stunned and didn't know what to say. He took that as his cue to go on and said, "I bet you go naked. You sound like you have small feet. Are they all naked and sweaty in your shoes?" I took the professional route and told him I was there to help with his account etc. After I said that, he started moaning into the phone, and I disconnected. Eventually, the center found a way to block his number, and none of us heard from him again.

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30 Day Writing Challenge

2020-10-09T11:32:14Z

Day 5: A place you would live, but have never visited.

I haven't traveled much outside of the U.S. I've been to a lot of places in the country, but if I could live someplace I've never visited, I would choose either Paris or London. I wish I had gone to both places when I had the opportunities. Maybe I will get there in the future.

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QOTD

2020-10-08T11:19:14Z

What are some things you’ve had to unlearn?

I grew up in a very religious household. I use the word religious because I think there is a difference between spirituality and religiosity. A lot of what I learned was very dogmatic, and it taught me to be a judgmental little asshole. Since becoming an adult, I've had to unlearn those "fire and brimstone" lessons I grew up on. I had to learn to stop judging people based on who they loved, what they chose to do with their bodies, how other Christians express their faith and the varied lifestyles people live. It's still a learning process, but I can honestly say I have come a long way from the teenager and young adult I used to be.

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QOTD

2020-10-07T12:17:42Z

Does a person’s name influence the person they become?

In general, I would say no. What's in a name? Names are important. Names give us a sense of identity, and they can be a point of pride. Names can also be empowering. There was a woman who made national headlines a few years ago named Marijuana Pepsi. Marijuana made the news because of her name and the fact that she had earned her doctorate. Her dissertation was on the power of naming. Marijuana talked about how her name often loaned itself to ridicule from her peers and even educators, but she used that negativity to push her forward in life. In her case, I think her parent's awful choice in naming her Marijuana Pepsi did influence her trajectory in life and who she decided to become. Personally, I take issue with my own name. I feel that it is too ethnic, and given what we know about how names can influence perception, it can be a hindrance. Studies have shown that people with more ethnic-sounding names (particularly African Americans) are overlooked when applying for jobs. Tyrone can have the same qualifications (or better) than Phillip, but Tyrone's resume would get passed over in favor of Phillip's. In fact, people are more likely to hire someone with less educational qualifications than someone with an ethnic name. An ethnic name may not influence a person's character (who they become/are), but it can influence what they do in life. I don't think my name has influenced who I have become, but it has influenced my actions.

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30 Day Writing Challenge

2020-10-07T12:00:54Z

Day 3: Your first love and first kiss. If separate discuss both.

Uhm. I honestly don't like this challenge at all. Not because I had horrible experiences or anything, it's just that I am married now, and reminiscing about past relationships makes me feel all squirrelly. My first kiss and my first love was the same person, I guess. I wasn't in love with the first boy I kissed, but I did love him. We had known each other since we were 6. He was my first date when we were in the 7th and 8th grades. He was a friend of the family. We wrote each other letters when I moved away to Florida. We started dating during our freshman year of college, and at one point I thought we would get married because he was a safe choice. He went to Duke University. He was going to be an attorney (he is now), our families got along, and we knew almost everything about each other. But I wasn't attracted to him physically or sexually. He was also pretty awkward (so was I) and neither of us had our first kiss until we were 19. Somehow during our first time with it, he managed to leave a hickey around my lips, which to this day I do not understand how that was accomplished because it's just weird as hell. Anyway, we are both married and are friends on FB (before I deactivated it) and occasionally we say hi in comments.

This was so strange to think about. *facepalm*

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QOTD

2020-10-06T13:37:22Z

What social stigma does society need to get over?

People need to stop looking at mental health as something to be ashamed of. I know especially in the Black and Latino communities, having a mental health condition is something that we are taught to hide and not discuss with others. Back in 2005, I was diagnosed with Clinical Depression, and my dad kept telling me that it was because somehow I grieved the "holy spirit." Instead of seeing a therapist, he encouraged me to pray my depression away because a shrink couldn't help me, only God could. I love my dad, and I am a Christian, but what he told me was complete bullshit. For a long time, I really thought I had done something to upset God and my depression was a punishment. I became a social worker so I could get into the field of mental health and reach out to members of my community. I encourage everyone to seek help and get therapy. There is no shame in going to therapy. I also tell other Christians that you can pray and seek therapy. There is no shame in that.

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